Wendy Cope

I like Wendy Cope's poems. She's very dry, gives you plenty of room to make the scene in your head. Also quite uncompromising on blithering idiots, as in this poem, "Men and their Boring Arguments". One man on his own can be quite good fun But don't go drinking with two - They'll probably have an argument And take no notice of you.

What makes men so tedious Is the need to show off and compete. They'll bore you to death for hours and hours Before they'll admit defeat.

It often happens at dinner-parties Where brother disputes with brother And we can't even talk among ourselves Because we're not next to each other.

Some men like to argue with women - Don't give them a chance to begin. You won't be allowed to change the subject Until you have given in.

A man with the bit between his teeth Will keep you up half the night And the only way to get some sleep Is to say, 'I expect you're right.'

I expect you're right, my dearest love. I expect you're right, my friend. These boring arguments make no difference To anything in the end.