Unreleased Celebrity Fragrances

Good post by Sarah Marshall on The Hairpin. All its missing is the ad campaigns. Highlights include: Wool of the King by Lana Del Rey: Imitation gold is overwhelmed by corrosive notes of Mountain Dew, gas station bathroom hand sanitizer, and chlorine. Spritz it on your angora sweaters, your dogeared copy of Lolita, or your money!

Sherlocked by Benedict Cumberbatch: Notes of the finest bergamot and saffron mingle with the overpowering aromas of black tea, gunpowder, and clammy bedsheets, in a fragrance that works best when applied to the nape of the neck and shielded from cold air by a fashionable scarf. May incite homosexual urges, in both the wearer and those immediately around him.

Steve Buscemi Eyes by Steve Buscemi: Notes of menthol and ylang ylang on a whiskey base. Banned in Utah.

Goldbloom by Jeff Goldblum: This fragrance, meant to be drizzled down the wearer’s forearm (preferably while in a moving car) is redolent of warm eyeglasses, tanning oil, and Velociraptor musk. Perfect for work or leisure.

Wintour Harvest by Anna Wintour: Peppery, balsamic, indecisive, and fresh. Notes of warm blood and Galliano Sequin enliven this fragrance designed for the gal on the go.

Fryday I’m in Love by Stephen Fry: Well-worn corduroy mixes with notes of mahogany, pear brandy, and stilton in this comfortable, woody blend. Perfect to wear while reading Dickens or lecturing friends on Salic law. Caution: will make the wearer almost unbearably delightful.

Original post here.