How to make a fucking good sandwich (radio edit)

(you need to read this in either a Scottish or New York Gangster voice, it doesn't work in Mockney) First off, get your fucking priorities right. No use trying to get cracking on a half-decent sandwich if a) you don't know what you want to put in the fucker, or b) you don't have the right shit. So work out what shit you need, and then get the right shit. We'll make a BLT. That's bacon, lettuce, tomato. First off, you need bread. Now, I'm talking decent fucking bread. Bloomer's good. Holds the condiments. Plus that shit won't split on you and leave its guts on your fucking hands. You'll need some bacon too. Back bacon's the motherfucker. Better coverage. Not too skinny. Smoked or unsmoked, I don't give a shit. You choose. But cook that shit. Cook three slices of it in the frying pan - not too much fucking oil or you'll fucking die from a fucking heart attack. So, pan's on, bacon's in. Go to the fridge, get out a good white Burgundy. A good one - Meursault or Montrachet, not the shit you take to parties. Open the bottle and pour a little into a clean fucking glass. Swirl it a little, hold it to the light. Admire the herby, savoury nose and have a sip. Now slice the bread. Not too thick or it won't fit in your mouth. Make three slices and hold one in reserve. Every sandwich needs backup. If you want to toast, toast like a pussy so it's golden at most. Any more and you'll slice your fucking mouth. Now get some good butter. President is badass. Lightly salted. Put it on one piece. On the other, spread some mayo. Done? Wipe the fucking surfaces down. Crumbs everywhere. You wanna cause an accident? Shit. Now, peel of a couple bits of lettuce. Make sure it's fresh, and clean as fuck. Put that on the mayonnaised slice of bread. Now get a good tomato. Black ones are the best. If you can't get that, use a small vine-ripened one. Beef tomatoes taste like lint. Slice the fucker quite thickly and roughly. Chuck it on the lettuce. You put it straight on the bread and all you do is make that shit soggy. Have another sip of that crispy, clean white. Good isn't it? Now, the bacon should be done. Get a couple of bits of kitchen roll and put the bacon on them so they soak up the grease and shit. Now get the pan and wash that motherfucker while it's hot. Clean as you go. Clean. As. You. Go. Done? Now put the bacon on the lettuce. Make it jigsaw together. You want total coverage. Grind some pepper on that shit. Put the other bit of bread on. Slice it diagonally. Plate up. Don't waste fucking time. Sit down and eat it. Chew. You want to make another? Tidy up first. Maybe put in some avocado too next time. You want hot sauce too? What am I, your fucking mother? Put it on and shut up. Have some more wine.

Letters of note

Letters of note is is an attempt to gather and sort fascinating letters, postcards, telegrams, faxes, and memos. That means billets doux from Monica Lewinsky to Bill Clinton, a plea by a mother to Myra Hindley to make a full confession (it worked), inspirational replies to fan mail, even letters to Stalag Luft prisoners in the Second World War. Get stuck in. It's the most interesting thing I've seen in ages (spotted by Ben Hammertown).

(if you're viewing this feed on Facebook, click "view original link" to see it in all its Dysonology glory)
 ----
PS - Be sure to ferret out the Oscar Wilde letter, in which he justifies his claim that 'all art is useless'.

Inside the McLaren Technology Centre...
I had one of the most fascinating days in a long time last November when I went to the McLaren Technology Centre with ace photographer Benedict Redgrove. We were there to see last ever SLRs being built and also to meet the new McLaren MP4-12C (which they just call "The New Car"). Click the photo or this link to see the whole story. Or get the latest copy of WIRED, where you can see it in all its glory! 
Swine flu is ‘one of the greatest medical scandals of the century’ says eminent epidemiologist

(Tim Edwards wrote this for The First Post - click the link at the end to read the full piece)

An eminent doctor has described the swine flu pandemic as "one of the greatest medical scandals of the century" perpetrated by big pharma and the World Health Organisation.

Dr Wolfgang Wodarg, an epidemiologist, claims the WHO was persuaded to change the definition of 'pandemic' by scientists linked to pharmaceutical companies in order to trigger lucrative 'sleeping' vaccination contracts.

The accusations are to be investigated by the Council of Europe after Dr Wodarg, the chairman of the body's health committee, tabled a damning resolution.

Dr Wodarg's allegations of a "false pandemic" pose a serious threat to the big pharmaceutical companies, which have profited considerably since the WHO declared swine flu a pandemic in June 2009 even though it was already clear that the mortality of people contracting the virus, also known as H1N1, was even lower than in normal seasonal flu. GlaxoSmithKlein is estimated to have made $1.7 billion from sales of H1N1 vaccine sales in the fourth quarter of 2009 alone.

Lower than expected uptake of the vaccine has led to a huge oversupply, to the extent that France, Britain, Germany and the Netherlands are all attempting to sell or give away surplus shots - or cancel orders, where possible.

Britain, where a mere 360 people have died, has taken delivery of around 30 million doses of a total order of 90 million from GSK and Baxter International at an estimated cost of £100m. Although there is a break clause in the contract with Baxter, there is none with GSK. David Salisbury, director of immunisation at the Department of Health, said there are a number of options, including "selling vaccines or giving them away".

Dr Wodarg claims the WHO "in cooperation with some big pharmaceutical companies and their scientists re-defined pandemics and lowered the alarm threshold" so that governments would begin to order vaccines.

"From June 2009," he explains, "it was no longer necessary, that 'an enormous amount of people [should] have contracted the illness or died'. There simply had to be a virus, spreading beyond borders; one that people had no immunity towards."

Dr Wodarg sees the root cause as lying in governments' responses to the avian flu (H5N1) outbreak of 2004. That virus, which had a far higher mortality of between 20 and 90 per cent, led to governments putting in place 'sleeping contracts' with pharmaceutical companies. These agreements are automatically triggered when the WHO declares a pandemic.

"'In this way," says Dr Wodarg, "the producers of vaccines are sure of enormous gains without having any financial risks.
 [read the full article on The First Post's site here]

[if you're on Facebook, click 'view original post' or whatever it is]

Related links:
http://www.theflucase.com/
http://educate-yourself.org/vcd/swinefluindex.shtml (though quite a lot of this seems to be conspiracy bonkers too)

My Band

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RWldc3_-vX8&rel=0&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en_US&feature=player_embedded&fs=1]
I'm this guy---------------------------------^

(If you're on FB you need to click THIS).

The Noughties - some things to remember (in no particular order)

I'll add to this if I think of any other goodies, but 'til then, what springs to mind if I say:
The Euro, Y2K, 9/11, 7/7, Tsunami, Hurricane Katrina, Iraq, Anthrax, Afghanistan, Zimbabwe, Darfur, al-Qaeda, Mumbai, iPhone, Blackberry, Bali disco bombs, Steve jobs, Bird flu, Swine flu, WMD, anti-war demos, migration and emigration, Burma, Usain Bolt, Tiger Woods, Wacko, Bush, Blair and Brown, Florida recounts (stipples? dipples?), Clinton and Lewinsky, Ricky Gervais, Tyson, Jonny Wilkinson, Ellen MacArthur, Zidane's headbutt, Flintoff's Ashes, CO2, digital cameras, Al Gore, Hedge Funds, Sarah Palin, Jade Goody, The Hadron Collider, Hubble, Wii, Wind farms and all that bollocks, Blu-Ray discs, subprime mortgages, 'progress', Google (maps too), Botox, trout pout, Viagra, X Factor, Britain's Got Talent, Harry Potter, Obama, Alan Greenspan, Warren Buffett, Bill Gates, Putin, Tate Modern, Section 28, YouTube, The Human Genome Project, Elian Gonzalez, Slobodan Milosevic, Boutros Boutros Ghali, bonkers Britney, Benazir Bhutto assassinated, Wikipedia, Foot and Mouth, Jordan and Peter Andre, Sarah Payne, Civil Partnerships, Tamil Tigers, Mayor Giuliani, Microsoft Antitrust, Kings of Leon, Israel and the West Bank/Gaza Strip, Daniel Pearl, Ukraine elections, Williams sisters, Dot-com bubble, Moscow hostage gas goes wrong, Bush fires, Ricin, Chechnya, David Kelly and the Hutton Enquiry, Uday and Qusay Hussein, Michael Schumacher, various eclipses (solar and lunar), the Rugby World Cup, SMS, suicide bombers, Harold Shipman's suicide, The Lord of the Rings, Camp X-Ray, Guantanamo, Twitter, General Electric closes down, fox hunting, Reagan dies, John Paul II dies, Maddie, Fritzl, Foxy, Scottish Parliament, loooooads of suicide bombers, Iceland banks crash, Lost is on TV,  worldwide smoking bans, Enron, ETA, the Kyoto Protocol, George Galloway and Oil For Food, IRA ends armed campaign, Facebook, first face transplant, Russian and Ukraine gas arguments, Playstation 3, Castro resigns, Michael Phelps, Lehman Brothers, water on the moon, latte, Al Jazeera, HBO, Bennifer, Brangelina, MMPORGs, Jack Bauer, Abu Ghraib, Kanye, Sex & The City, Craigslist, vampires, slow food, auto-tune, cheese-eating surrender monkeys, blogging, true love, your family and friends.



Now, how many of these were actually good news? It's interesting what we choose to record. 


ps - In 2000, the world population was 6,070,581,000. It's now 6,793,800,000. Health and wealth have never been so abundant, but outside warfare, 20th century governments murdered 7.3% of their people, through needless famine, labour camps, genocide and other crimes. That compares with 3.7% in the 19th century and 4.7% in the 17th century.


Turtles have a gas. Raise Alarms.

whatwhatturtlebutt.jpg
Fact: The Great Yarmouth Sea Life Centre in Norfolk, England, gives its Green turtles brussels sprouts as a Christmas treat.
Fact: Brussels sprouts kind of make you gassy.
Fact: In 2008, the bubbles produced by sprout-induced turtle farts triggered overflow alarms in the middle of the night.

"Now the Yarmouth turtle tank—12 feet in depth and width holding 250,000 litres of water along with George the 3-ft-long green turtle—has been partially emptied for the festive season. Thousands of litres have been removed to lower the water by a six inches and keep the sensitive alarms clear."

Phew.
The Telegraph: Aquarium lowers water levels after feeding turtles brussel sprouts
(Via BoingBoing)

Winter Solstice - some collected Jackfacts

The hump is over. We've just (depending on where in the Northern hemisphere you live) had our shortest day and our longest night, while the sun's maximum position in the sky is at is lowest. From now on the days get longer. Unless you're Australian.

"Solstice" is derived from the Latin phrase for "sun stands still." In the bad old days, the winter solstice was hugely important because winter could be so hard - the time between January and April was also known as the famine months.

Being the shortest day of the year, the winter solstice is essentially the year's darkest day, but it's not the coldest. Because the oceans are slow to heat and cool, in December they still retain some warmth from summer, delaying the coldest of winter days for another month and a half. Similarly, summer doesn't hit its heat peak until August, a month or two after the summer solstice.

In temperate climates, the midwinter festival was the last feast celebration before deep winter began. Most cattle were slaughtered so they would not have to be fed during the winter, so it was almost the only time of year when a supply of fresh meat was available. The majority of wine and beer made during the year was finally fermented and ready for drinking at this time. Most of these parties started on the previous evening rather than at midnight or dawn.

And because it means the sun is coming back, a lot of it is - especially in cultures using cyclic calendars - is based around birth and rebirth of everything from your god(s) to your own manna and new beginnings (such as Hogmanay's redding, a New Year cleaning tradition). In Greek mythology, the gods and goddesses met on the winter and summer solstice, and Hades was permitted on Mount Olympus. It was also a time to celebrate reversal between slave and master - for example in Rome's Saturnalia, the lord of the house would wait on the servants, schools were closed, the army rested and no criminals were executed.

Around 350 AD, December 25 was adopted in Rome and gradually almost the entire Christian Church agreed to that date, which coincided with Winter Solstice, the Yule (same thing) and the Saturnalia. The merry side of Saturnalia was adopted to the observance of Christmas. By 1100 Christmas was the peak celebration of the year for all of Europe. During the 16th century, under the influence of the Reformation, many of the old customs were suppressed and the Church forbade processions, colourful ceremonies, and plays.

In 1647 in England, Parliament passed a law abolishing Christmas altogether. When Charles II came to the throne, many of the customs were revived, but the feasting and merrymaking were now more worldly than religious.

Our Midwinter festivals fight of the darkness and welcome light, often calling for evergreens, bright illumination, big-ass fires, feasting, communion with close ones, and lots of running around dancing and singing - a sort of group therapy against Seasonal Affective Disorder.

Here are some cut and pastings:

Japan
In late seventh century Japan, festivities were held to celebrate the reemergence of Amaterasu or Amateras, the sun goddess of Japanese mythology, from her seclusion in a cave. Tricked by the other gods with a loud celebration, she peeks out to look and finds the image of herself in a mirror and is convinced by the other gods to return, bringing sunlight back to the universe. Requiems for the dead were held and Manzai and Shishimai were performed throughout the night, awaiting the sunrise. Aspects of this tradition have continued to this day on New Years.

Sami people
The Saami, indigenous people of Finland, Sweden and Norway, worship Beiwe, the sun-goddess of fertility and sanity. She travels through the sky in a structure made of reindeer bones with her daughter, Beiwe-Neia, to herald back the greenery on which the reindeer feed. On the winter solstice, her worshipers sacrifice white female animals, and with the meat, thread and sticks, bed into rings with ribbons. They also cover their doorposts with butter so Beiwe can eat it and begin her journey once again.

Buddhist(?)
The Winter Solstice Festival or The Extreme of Winter (Chinese and Japanese: 冬至; Korean: 동지; Vietnamese: Đông chí) (Pinyin: Dōng zhì), (Rōmaji: Tōji), (Romaja:Dongji) is one of the most important festivals celebrated by the Chinese and other East Asians during the dongzhi solar term on or around December 21 when sunshine is weakest and daylight shortest; i.e., on the first day of the dongzhi solar term. The origins of this festival can be traced back to the yin and yang philosophy of balance and harmony in the cosmos. After this celebration, there will be days with longer daylight hours and therefore an increase in positive energy flowing in. The philosophical significance of this is symbolized by the I Ching hexagram fù (復, "Returning"). Traditionally, the Dongzhi Festival is also a time for the family to get together. One activity that occurs during these get togethers (especially in the southern parts of China and in Chinese communities overseas) is the making and eating of Tangyuan (湯圓, as pronounced in Cantonese; Mandarin Pinyin: Tāng Yuán) or balls of glutinous rice, which symbolize reunion. In Korea, similar balls of glutinous rice (Korean: 새알심) (English pronunciation:Saealsim), is prepared in a traditional porridge made with sweet red bean (Korean: 팥죽)(English pronunciation:Patjook). Patjook was believed to have a special power and sprayed around houses on winter solstice to repel sinister spirits. This practice was based on a traditional folk tale, in which the ghost of a man that used to hate patjook comes haunting innocent villagers on the winter solstice.

Scotland
The New Years Eve celebration of Scotland is called Hogmanay. The name derives from the old Scots name for Yule gifts of the Middle Ages. The early Hogmanay celebrations were originally brought to Scotland by the invading and occupying Norse who celebrated a solstitial new year (England celebrated the new year on March 25). In 1600, with the Scottish application of the January 1 New year and the church's persistent suppression of the solstice celebrations, the holiday traditions moved to December 31. The festival is still referred to as the Yules by the Scots of the Shetland Islands who start the festival on December 18 and hold the last tradition (a Troll chasing ritual) on January 18. The most widespread Scottish custom is the practice of first-footing which starts immediately after midnight on New Years. This involves being the first person (usually tall and dark haired) to cross the threshold of a friend or neighbor and often involves the giving of symbolic gifts such as salt (less common today), coal, shortbread, whisky, and black bun (a fruit pudding) intended to bring different kinds of luck to the householder. Food and drink (as the gifts, and often Flies cemetery) are then given to the guests.

Jamaica
Junkanoo, in The Bahamas, Junkunno or Jonkanoo, in Jamaica, is a fantastic masquerade, parade and street festival, suspected to be derived from Dzon'ku 'Nu (tr: Witch-doctor) of the West African Papaws, an Ewe people.[18] It is traditionally performed through the streets towards the end of December, and involves participants dressed in a variety of fanciful costumes, such as the Cow Head, the Hobby Horse, the Wild Indian, and the Devil. The parades are accompanied by bands usually consisting of fifes, drums, and coconut graters used as scrapers, and Jonkanoo songs are also sung. A similar practice was once common in coastal North Carolina, where it was called John Canoe, John Koonah, or John Kooner. John Canoe was likened to the wassailing tradition of medieval Britain. John Canoe was interpreted by many Euro-Americans to bear strong resemblance to the social inversion rituals that marked the ancient Roman celebration of Saturnalia.

Slavic
Karachun, Korochun or Kračún was a Slavic holiday similar to Halloween as a day when the Black God and other evil spirits were most potent. It was celebrated by Slavs on the longest night of the year. On this night, Hors, symbolising the old sun, becomes smaller as the days become shorter in the Northern Hemisphere, and dies on December 22nd, the December solstice. He is said to be defeated by the dark and evil powers of the Black God. In honour of Hors, the Slavs danced a ritual chain-dance which was called the horo. Traditional chain-dancing in Bulgaria is still called horo. In Russia and Ukraine, it is known as khorovod. On December 23rd Hors is resurrected and becomes the new sun, Koleda. On this day, Western Slavs burned fires at cemeteries to keep their departed loved ones warm, organized dinings in the honor of the dead so as they would not suffer from hunger and lit wooden logs at local crossroads.

Lenaea
In the Aegean civilizations, the exclusively female midwinter ritual, Lenaea or Lenaia, was the Festival of the Wild Women. In the forest, a man or bull representing the god Dionysus was torn to pieces and eaten by Maenads. Later in the ritual a baby, representing Dionysus reborn, was presented. Lenaion, the first month of the Delian calendar, derived its name from the festival's name. By classical times, the human sacrifice had been replaced by that of a goat, and the women's role had changed to that of funeral mourners and observers of the birth. Wine miracles were performed by the priests, in which priests would seal water or juice in a room overnight and the next day they would have turned into wine. The miracle was said to have been performed by Dionysus and the Lenaians. By the 5th century BC the ritual had become a Gamelion festival for theatrical competitions, often held in Athens in the Lenaion theater.

India and Nepal/Hindu
Makara Sankranti, celebrated at the beginning of Uttarayana, is the only Hindu festival which is based on the celestial calendar rather than the lunar calendar. The zodiac having drifted from the solar calendar has caused the festival to now occur in mid-January (see precession of equinoxes). In Tamil Nadu it is celebrated as the festival of Pongal. The day before Pongal, the last day of the previous year, they celebrate Bhogi. In Assam it is called Magh Bihu (the First day of Magh), in Punjab Lohri and in Hindi speaking states and Maharshtra it is observed as Makar Sankranti and is celebrated by exchanging balls of sesame candy (Til Gur) and requesting each other to be as sweet as the candy balls for the next year. It is called Makara Sankrant because the sun enters the zodiacal sign of Capricorn on 14 January (Makar meaning Capricorn). It is celebrated with much pomp in Andhra Pradesh, where the festival is celebrated for three days and is more of a cultural festival than an auspicious day as in other parts of India. In some parts of India, the festival is celebrated by taking dips in the Ganga or another river and offering water to the Sun god. The dip is said to purify the self and bestow punya. In many states, mainly in Gujarat, families fly bright colorful kites from their roofs all day and into the night. It is a form of celebrating and welcoming the longer days. It is also very common to feed grass to the cows on this day. In Assam on Bihu Eve or Uruka families build house-like structures called bhelaghar and separate large bhelaghar are built by the community as a whole. Different sorts of twine are tied around fruit trees. Traditionally, fuel is stolen for the final ceremony, when all the bhelaghar are burned. Their remains are then placed at the fruit trees. Special puja is offered as a thanksgiving for good harvest. Since the festival is celebrated in midwinter, the foods prepared for this festival are such that they keep the body warm and give high energy.

Perchta ritual (Alps)
Early Germans (c.500–1000) considered the Norse goddess, Hertha or Bertha to be the goddess of light, domesticity and the home. They baked yeast cakes shaped like shoes, which were called Hertha's slippers, and filled with gifts. "During the Winter Solstice houses were decked with fir and evergreens to welcome her coming. When the family and serfs were gathered to dine, a great altar of flat stones was erected and here a fire of fir boughs was laid. Hertha descended through the smoke, guiding those who were wise in saga lore to foretell the fortunes of those persons at the feast". There are also darker versions of Perchta which terrorize children along with Krampus.[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6tABfctNaSI&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en_US&feature=player_embedded&fs=1]

Container ships - life on the ocean waves

A trip to art site Fecal Face hawked up this post by Martin Machado, who works on cargo ships. He spends a LOT of time at sea, and the post is a fascinating insight into what must be a pretty bonkers existence. Pics and copy below are all his, but you really should read the whole thing (here) as there are more of both - I've only pinched a couple of highlights.

For almost five months now, I have been living and working as a deckhand on a 906 foot container ship making 57 day runs from New York to Singapore, while hitting many ports in between. We are importing/exporting goods from the Middle East, Asia, and America. As I am writing this we are making our way through the Gulf of Aden on what will be my last trip. Here is a little description of what its like to go to sea in the merchant marine.
 
On deck we tighten the lashing gear on the containers to keep them safe in rough seas offshore. While on watch on the bridge there is nothing but time to think, listen to music, stargaze, swap stories with the mate on watch, and just take in the scenery. As the coastal silt drops, the water becomes the most vibrant blue you can imagine. Further offshore you begin to see thick clumps of Sargasso Weed, flying fish, whales, and occasionally huge pods of dolphins. We will go many days without seeing any traffic at all.
 
The vhf radio, which here is not regulated like in the states, becomes a constant source of entertainment and misery at the same time. Some ship will transmit a Celine Dion song for way too long, then the audio from a fisherman's favorite porno will pierce the airwaves. There are a series of always touched upon racial taunts about the predominant seagoing nationalities; some imitate the formal call of a port control calling a ship. "This is port banana calling the Pilipino Monkeys, come in Monkey. How many tons of banana's do you have on board?" Then a Pilipino sailor will curse out the white bastards of the north and call his countrymen to join in. At some point someone will start grilling the Italians, saying "Maaaaaaarrrriioooooooo" in a long drawn out frog voice. No one is safe from the insults, and as Americans it is highly advised to stay silent because once they hear your accent you will not hear the end of the harassment.
 
As we enter the Red Sea the water gets really warm (which kills our ocean cooled air conditioning) and we begin to prepare for pirate country. There are designated lanes that are recommended for passing through the Gulf of Aden. This makes it easier for warships to patrol the enormous area and occasionally lead convoys for the slower ships. Still we hear reports of attacks all the time. Some are failed attempts, while others are quite successful. We rig large pointed metal bars on the stern, designed so that if a grappling hook was thrown, the bars would break free and fall on a pirates. As we enter the most dangerous area off the Somalian coast, the deck crew rotates lookouts on the stern throughout the nights. Pirates are known to have Rocket Powered Grenades; all we have are fire hoses that we rigged to the rails. We have not had any trouble so far, but it can be a bit frightening sitting there in the dark on calm night with nothing but a pocket knife to defend yourself.
(be sure to check his website)
(and don't forget the original post)
Post-It Art
lisa-hanawalt
WeLoveYouSo seem to find the most amazing stuff. Here's what they have to say about Lisa Hanawalt, whose Post-It art is above (and this is her Flickr page):

The truly tubular grid of post-its pictured above were inked by incredible illustrator Lisa Hanawalt for GR2’s currently running Post-It Show 4. I helped hang the 1000+ post-its for the show (helpful tip: when hanging post-its on uneven gallery walls, use liberal amounts of double stick tape), and I was so taken by Ms. Hanawalt’s lovably creepy creatures that when it came time to choose just a couple to take home, I couldn’t help myself from including one of her dapper cross-eyed kittens alongside an excellently obscene Johnny Ryan post-it and the crystal-worshiping transcendence of Aiyana Udesen’s piece.

Only afterwards did I realize that this is the same Lisa Hanawalt whose comic strip about Georgia O’Keefe and Johannes Vermeer’s secret obsession with dirty hip hop lyrics in The Believer’s 2009 Art Issue had had me nervously laughing days prior. Not only that, but she’s also the same Lisa Hanawalt whose contribution to Vice’s sweet Where the Wild Things Are mini-comic had pictured the Wild Things gleefully go-cart racing! Interview on that matter here. Pull quote: “I like the [Wild Thing] with the long, orange mane and webbed feet–she looks cuddly but she also gives me the creeps.”

Check out Hanawalt’s brand-new comic book, I Want You, published by Buenaventura Press and currently on sale for $3.96. What a steal!

lisa-hanawalt2

Tweets and parps. So that's what Twitter is for.

I don't like Twitter. And I'm not keen on other people's farts when they smell. Though when they make a good noise, they can be quite funny.

One man has combined the gaseous emissions of his botbot with love for Tweeting, and in so doing, stumbled upon a way that Twitter can actually be useful: every time he farts, his office chair tweets the toot.

His dream is to "accurately document and share [his] life as it happens". The setup is quite hard-core tech: a natural gas sensor sniffs out the methane, an Arduino processes it and a Squidbee wireless module communicates it all to Twatter.

Over 3,500 people so far follow the office chair. Join in the fun (or just look and think about it) here. Or do it yourself by following the how-to on Instructables. Parrrrrrp.

Mathematically Correct Breakfast - Mobius Sliced Linked Bagel

Mister Polyhedron, George Hart, has come up with a way of slicing your bagel so the two halves are interlocked but unbroken. It's one of the weirdest pages of culinary instruction I've seen, but as breakfast for geeks (or, for that matter, fans of 1950s Italian lampshades) it's perfect.

If this sort of thing floats your boat, look at some of the sculptures he has designed to be assembled by large groups of people (like this, this, this or this).

"It is much more fun to put cream cheese on these bagels than on an ordinary bagel. In additional to
the intellectual stimulation, you get more cream cheese, because there is slightly more surface area."

Click here to get the full instructions.

Via.

Top 20 Worst pick-up lines...

It's all about number 14.

1. “Is your boyfriend sitting here?” (He sits down.) “Now he is.”
2. “Hey, I bet nobody’s ever picked you up like this before.” (Tosses condom onto table.)
3. (Instant message on a dating site.) “I’d like to participate in nude wrestling with you, followed by a happy ending.”
4. “A guy friend asked me, ‘So are you single now?’ and when I told him yes, his response was, ‘Good, want to bone?’”
5. “Can I have your phone number? I’m going into the hospital for a few weeks, and I’d really like someone to talk to.”
6. “Hey, baby, wanna ride my escalator?”
7. “If I were a squirrel and you were a squirrel, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?”
8. “Can I push your stool in?”
9. “Can I wear your thighs for ear muffs?”
10. “So, girls with big lips are usually pretty good at something … Are you?”
11. “Guy: ‘Do you have any Italian in you?’ Me: ‘Nooo.’ Guy: ‘Want some?’”
12. “The doctor said my mono has finally cleared up. Want to make out?”
13. “You look like a smurf, a hot smurf.”
14. “Hey, I hear your ankles are having a party. You want to invite your pants down?”
15. “If you jingle my bells, I’ll promise you a white Christmas.”
16. “Oh, so you’re American? I would never have guessed. You’re quite the cunning linguist.”
17. “Save water. Shower with me.”
18. “My hands are freezing cold! Can I warm them on your breasts?”
19. “Hey, hey, did it hurt? Huh? Well, did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?”
20. “I have an 11-inch penis.”

(Via).